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"The Difference Between Advising and Shaming" by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie highlights the distinctions between constructive feedback and harmful criticism. Here are seven key lessons from the book:

1. Intent Matters: Advising aims to help and support the person, while shaming intends to belittle and demean. The motivation behind the words significantly impacts how they are received.

2. Respect and Dignity: Effective advice respects the recipient's dignity and self-worth. Shaming, on the other hand, undermines a person's sense of value and can cause emotional harm.

3. Constructive vs. Destructive: Advising provides constructive feedback that can lead to improvement and growth. Shaming is destructive and often leaves the person feeling worse about themselves without a clear path forward.

4. Focus on Behavior, Not Person: Advising addresses specific behaviors or actions and suggests ways to improve them. Shaming attacks the person's character or identity, making it personal and hurtful.

5. Empathy and Understanding: Good advice comes from a place of empathy and understanding. It considers the person's circumstances and feelings. Shaming lacks empathy and often ignores the individual's context.

6. Encouragement vs. Discouragement: Advising encourages and motivates the person to do better. It is supportive and uplifting. Shaming discourages and can lead to a decrease in self-esteem and motivation.

7. Long-term Impact: Advising fosters a positive long-term impact, building trust and encouraging continuous improvement. Shaming can have long-lasting negative effects, damaging relationships and causing emotional scars.

These lessons highlight the importance of delivering feedback with care, empathy, and respect to support and uplift others, rather than tearing them down.

BOOK: https://amzn.to/4d4Y1CV

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